For all the guitarists out there

Check out this great website!

www.guitarshredshow.com

Kong is King!

A bunch of us saw King Kong last night and I think it was an awesome movie. The computer generated Kong was a marvel to watch. I had to keep reminding myself that it wasn't a real ape! The scenes of old New York were amazing and the camera angles used were stunning -- especially the Empire Sate building climax. The action scenes were "edge of your seat" exciting and very imaginative. Some friends made some comments about the acting but I think Peter Jackson was trying to direct the movie with the same style as the movies of that time period, the 30's, I believe. It worked for me.

I give it two thumbs up -- and an opposable thumb!

Breakfast Sweet Tooth

This morning, our office building is hosting a "Holiday Breakfast." The owners are supplying "breakfast" for the tenants between 8 and 10 am. A few of us went down to the lobby to get a few things and I quickly realized why North Americans are obese. Here's most of what was displayed for us: tarts, rice krispies squares, carrot cake with an inch of icing, danishes, a wide variety of pastries, and cookies. As I strolled down the table, I had to remind myself I was not at a wedding enjoying the dessert table. This was breakfast! At the far end of the table were apples and bananas but it looked like only a few had been taken. They had no chance among the sweets.

Now, I'm not trying to be an ass and complain about the nice gesture of free breakfast, but perhaps a few more healthier choices could be made available for us before we go back to our cubicles/offices and sit on our butts all day.

What did I have, you ask? I had breakfast at home -- a whole wheat bagel with light cream cheese, if you need to know -- but I lost my mind for a few seconds and snatched a piece of carrot cake, with said inch of icing, and a tiny lemon tart. I felt guilty after eating the cake so I threw the tart in the garbage. I'm not proud of myself for eating the cake (delicious, by the way) but it all comes down to the choices we make. I needed to make a better choice (just say no!) and they needed to offer healthier ones.

I know it's only one little breakfast but I think it's a microcosm of how we eat today.

God-awful Calgary Flames video

I barely made it through watching this music video featuring players from the Calgary Flames. I'm assuming it was made to flaunt their Stanley Cup win in 1986. Holy crap is it embarrasing! All the players look like they're 12 years old! The dude with the mustache, other than Lanny, is Mike Bullard -- remember him? Enjoy the video!

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6053863688509045791&q=calgary

Chuck Norris

I received an e-mail about how great Chuck Norris is -- thought it was funny -- and am now sharing it with you.

• Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
• When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
• Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
• Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
• Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
• Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
• There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
• Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
• Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Christmas Tidbits

Here are some interesting Christmas tidbits you can use at your next holiday gathering. Sure, I made them up, but that can be our little secret (wink).

• In 1885, Santa and Frosty the Snowman begin a bitter feud. Frosty reports, "He stole my hat and pipe!"
• Santa's radio show is pulled off the air in 1920 when he uses the phrase "Santa's Sack" indiscriminately.
• The word Santa is Dutch for "fat boy."
• Santa is lactose intolerant. That explains why the milk left for him is never touched.
• Santa's elves made cameo appearances in the movie The Wizard of Oz.
• Blitzen has a lifetime batting average of .375 in the Reindeer Baseball League (RBL).
• Santa's low sperm count is the reason they're childless.
• Mrs. Clause is a go-go dancer in the off-season. Stays in shape by doing laps around Santa's gut.
• Santa's sleigh was recently rebuilt by five Boeing engineers ... 2 of them naughty, 3 of them nice.
• Rudolph was charged with F.U.I. (Flying Under the Influence) in 1975. Charges were dropped when police realized his nose stays red all the time.
• Santa's first job was a chimney sweep.
• Mrs. Claus has turned down over 50 offers from Playboy and Penthouse to pose nude in their magazines.
• Santa's first sleigh was destroyed by termites.
• In 1973, Santa finished 3rd at the Sumo Wrestling Championships in Japan.
• Comet lost his salary arbitration hearing last year. He wanted to be the highest paid reindeer.
• Mrs. Claus' latest steamy novel unravels the mystery as to why it's called "The North Pole."

Pick up the damn phone!

I'm thinking of getting snow tires for the Element and I've been given two auto shops to contact for prices. I've been calling both places now for two weeks and I always get a busy signal. Always! Could these places be that busy that they are constantly receiving phone calls all day? Or, do they have the phone off the hook. Whatever the reason, it's driving me insane. I just want a quote ... is that so wrong? (sob)

I'll give both places another week before I give up and they lose my potential business. However, I will continue to call them just to see which place picks up first ... a game that "Insane Paul" will play for the inane purpose of hanging up once someone answers. Ironic, isn't it?

Good Grief!

The Girl just sent me a link to a website that sells a Christmas tree like the one Charlie Brown had. I love it!

Click here to view the link (while it works) for more info on this pathetic tree.

Owls are cool

I was returning some library books this morning and noticed an owl on the building's roof. My God these things are big. It was staring across the road, probably looking for some munchies. As I was returning to my car I couldn't take my eyes of this bird. What an amazing speciman. I wish it had spun it's head 360 degrees while hooting. If I could, I'd be doing that all day.

Goodbye Arnold

Pat Morita, of Happy Days and The Karate Hid fame, has passed away at the age of 73. He died of natural causes.

Very Punny

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

The road less travelled?

Steeles Ave. named province's worst road
Thousands voted in online poll

CANADIAN PRESS
Steeles Avenue West, a heavily travelled east-west route dividing Toronto from York Region, has been named the worst road in Ontario for 2005.

The dubious distinction is from the Municipal Roads Coalition, which has been running an online poll since Sept. 13.

No. 2 on the list is Carling Avenue in Ottawa followed by Albert Street in the Township of Norwich.

The fourth worst is Division Street in Kingston, while Western Road in London rounds out the Top 5.

Selection was based on public nominations and site inspections.

Since Sept. 13, nearly 5,000 people from across Ontario have logged on to vote for the worst road.

Birthday Extravaganza!

This past Saturday was The Girl's 30th! We had a terrific three days of celebration. She even had Friday off to kick-start her weekend.

Her weekend started off with a major transformation. She got her hair cut! Her hair is, was, very long -- the whole length of her back. She was very nervous about doing it but I said how thrilled I was about it and that it's never a bad time to reinvent yourself. After all, a change is as good as a rest. When I came home from work, I saw her for the first time with shoulder-length hair -- it looked great! She's very happy she did it.

Later that day, we went for dinner at Canoe. The food was delicious. Every bite was savoured and the flavours were out of this world. Pricey? Ummm, yes. Worth it? Yes -- but only if you go once or twice a year or win the 6/49 jackpot. The view was awesome as the restaurant is located on the 54th floor of the TD Tower in downtown Toronto.

On Saturday morning, we went to her family's place for birthday breakfast and had a great time visiting. The Girl is a vegetarian so we had pancakes with veggie "sausage" and "bacon." The "meat" actually tasted good -- because it was her birthday -- and because I used the maple syrup quite liberally. We then puttered around the house and in the evening, some friends and family gathered at a pub for food and beverages -- perhaps too many beverages, but the important thing was we had a great time. Thanks to everyone who came. The gifts were appreciated but not necessary.

On Sunday we recovered and had a nice visit from my Aunt and her kids.

Here's to many more birthdays together! I hope she had a great weekend -- I sure did!

Armageddon!

Today's weather is nutty! Not only has it been raining all day, it's also been foggy and as I look outside my office window, it is the darkest I've ever seen it during the day. It truly is remarkable how dark it is! I need to be held -- mommy!

Now as I look outside, it's just regular cloudy and it's pouring. All of this in the past few minutes.

Hold on, it seems to be getting very dark again -- and the rain has stopped. Kooky I say, just kooky.

Accident waiting to happen

Moron Alert

On my way to work this morning, I looked over at the car beside me as I passed it, wondering why there was a 10 car gap between it and the car in front. The guy was busy READING HIS NEWSPAPER and had it outstretched over the streering wheel. He managed somehow to be beside me at the stop lights and he was still READING HIS NEWSPAPER!

I can't go on ... blood boiling.

Jay Leno and a pet peeve

My buddies had complimentary tickets to see Jay Leno perform stand-up at Casino Rama last night so we decided to go. The man is funny! The dude went on for an hour and a half without so much as a pause -- you can tell he's been in comedy for years and years. He did a great job and I'd see him again.

He did however say something, before he started his routine, that's a pet peeve of mine -- perhaps it's the typical inferiority complex we Canadians have towards the rest of the world. Have you noticed this before? Leno started the show by saying, "It's great to be here in Canada!" Whenever someone is performing in a Canadian city, I always find they say the same thing -- "It's great to be here in Canada!" They don't say, "It's great to be here in Toronto!" or "It's great to be here in Montreal!" They always say Canada instead of the city, like we're a tiny nation with cities that no one is familiar with.

I don't know why this bothers me, but it does!

Still not smoking

Congratulations to me! As of today, I have quit smoking for one year. It hasn't been the easiest thing in the world to do -- it's a day to day thing. I still have the urges and occasionally complain to The Girl about wanting one, but, I did not give into temptation. My lungs and heart relieved and I haven't gained any weight!

Cinnabon

Yesterday, The Girl and I invited my sister over for dinner. The deal was that I would prepare the eats. Look out! I decided to make potato croquettes with mixed greens salad and chicken (I cheated and bought an already roasted whole chicken from Loblaws ... I was short on time). The potatoes took much longer than I thought to prepare but the meal ended up being quite tasty. We were stuffed! My sister than reminds us that she brought four Cinnabon rolls for desert. My stomach yells out loud, "Get them, now!!" The girls are amazed that I take a whole one for myself. These behemoths are at least 6 inches in diameter. The cinnamon and icing are too much to resist but halfway through I realize this is a terrible mistake. Stop now and eat the rest later, I tell myself but I continue to feast. I finish the whole bun and immediately think of ways to end my life. I feel disgusted. Was it worth it? Your damn right. This bun is sinfully delicious.

Yup -- that's still me!

The Girl and I were looking at our public school report cards from days of yore and realized that we haven't changed that much. Both our kindergarten report cards describe us to a "T" to this very day. If you have kept yours, have a look -- you'll be amazed at how some things never change.

Protection from themselves

We all know that most NHLers don't want to wear visors because they're for wimps and it impedes their vision of the ice.

Well, how's this for vision of the ice?

He shoots, he scores

Yesterday was the start of the NHL season and the Leafs lost their first game in the first ever shootout. It's not the way I'd have them decide outcomes but I guess it was an exciting game. Offence looked to take precedent over the stiflingly boring trap that entered the game over the past decade. Here's hoping clutch and grab hockey is gone.

Welcome back NHL.

London Pints

Here's a list of some of the beers I devoured in London along with my rating (1-poor, 5-heaven):

• London Pride - 3
• Guinness (of course) - 5
• Kronenbourg 1664 - 4
• Leffe Blonde - 4
• Caledonia Brewery - 3
• Samuel Smith Stout - 5
• Peroni Lager - 4
• Spitfire Premium Kentish Ale - 1
• Badger - 3
• John Smith's Extra Smooth - 4
• Hoegaarden - 4
• Guinness Extra Cold - 7!

If anyone finds out when Guinness Extra Cold comes to Canada, please let me know. I also picked up two bottles of flavoured Bailey's at the duty free in London's Gatwick Airport. I'm not aware of them being sold here in Canada but check out these flavours: Caramel and Mint Chocolate. My mouth is watering just thinking about them!

I'm back!

Today is my first day back at work after my three-week vacation in Europe. It was worth every hard-earned penny the wife and I saved.

We spent the first two weeks in Florina, Greece and stayed with some family and then we went to London, England for a week of sight-seeing.

It was, without a doubt, the best vacation of my life!

Why George Jr is the way he is

Former first lady, Barbara Bush, had this to say about the evacuees from Hurricane Katrina who are at the Houston Astrodome:

"What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality," she said.

"And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this - this is working very well for them."

Nice Move

As I was driving home the other day, I saw some stuff fly out of the sunroof of an SUV. I changed lanes to avoid it but still ran into about 5 little pieces of paper. As I drove by I saw that it was the dude's wallet. The pieces of paper that flew into my windshield were business cards and money. This wallet would have made George Costanza proud. It looked like a library exploded!

The guy pulled over immediately and jumped out to collect his valuables. I turned a corner so I lost him in my rearview mirror and had no way of knowing if he survived his ordeal on the road. How someone could lose their wallet through the sunroof is beyond me.

$1.20 per litre!

Today's gas prices have risen dramatically due to the extensive damage caused by Hurricane Katrina to oil platforms in the Gulf of Mexico. Analysts say hurricane Katrina is expected to have caused enough damage to pipelines, storage tanks and refineries in the Gulf of Mexico that it could take weeks, or perhaps months, before operations return to normal. Nevermind the fact that crude oil has now spilled everywhere in the Gulf.

Knowing this, one can understand why the price of gas is so high. However, last week when we were cursing Shell for the 99¢ per litre we were pumping into our vehicles, we only have ourselves to blame. Sure, we need to get to work and to the mall, but do we need to get there in gas-guzzling SUVs? Do we need to drive 20 seconds to the cornerstore when we could walk? Why don't we take public transportation or car pool?

We need to realize that there's a finite amount of natural resources on this planet. We take it, use it and waste it like it has the magical ability to replenish itself. Once it's gone, it's gone. It's never our problem; our grandkids will deal with the loss of natural fuels. Wrong! We need to deal with it now before $1.20 becomes the norm. Don't have the gall to complain about gas prices while filling up your Denali. Don't complain about the cost of heating or cooling your home while you keep the furnace/air conditioner on all day ... even when you're not home.

I'm trying not to preach. All I want is to make people aware that we are the ones who push crude oil prices higher and higher with our negligence and care-free attitudes.

Courtesy flush please!

Too many times this week, whenever I've gone into the washroom at work (all the units on each floor share a men's and women's facility), some guy is setting a record for the foulest bowel movement ever! It seems like each guy is nastier than the next. Other than peeing in a jar in my office, my only option for sanity is to hope these dudes perform the courtesy flush or post a sign on each stall door asking them to do so. You don't need to wait until you're done to flush. C'mon!

Now, normally I wouldn't stoop to this level of discourse but nuclear waste was coming out of these dudes! We need to be reminded of the courtesy flush. People -- don't be afraid to use it.

Detox

The wife and I are detoxing our bodies for one week starting today. We are attempting to cleanse our bodies of all the "unnaturalness" i.e. toxins. Three times a day we are taking a "detox powder" which tastes like chalk (gag) to help the body eliminate badness! We are removing sugars, additives, wheat, caffeine and dairy from our diet and drinking lots of water.

So far today, breakfast and lunch have been super-healthy. A little on the bland side but I'm sure I can deal with it for a week. I'm thinking we should do this more often; like once a week, every month.

I'll update this posting after the week is over to see how we held up.

________________
Updates:
Monday - forgot about my detox and ate two Werther's mini chocolates. Oops!
Tuesday - brain cramp allows me to bite into an apple danish at work. Remember in time and spit out the delicious morsel.

Trivia

Quick! Who is Oscar Goldman?

Dude ... perhaps some Right Guard?

Here's an interesting stat I found while flipping through Training + Development, a magazine that circulates through our office. It states that an online poll conducted by Business and Legal Reports (BLR) found that 74% of HR professionals have had to talk to an employee about his or her offensive body odour.

BLR suggests these tips for HR when dealing with the malodorous employee:

• Talk to the employee personally, privately, and with as much sensitivity as possible.
• Realize that diet or a medical condition could cause the problem. Suggest that the person visit a doctor, or you can include the company nurse in the conversation.
• Emphasize that this isn't just a personal issue; it's a workplace disruption that must be resolved.
• Don't be surprised if the worker tries to cut the conversation short out of embarrassment.

BLR says that it's worth making one employee uncomfortable in order to keep others.

... Mr. Smith, before we hire you, may we contact your former employers?
... Noooooo!!!

My press conference for a name change!

The name, Paul, is getting a little stale. My audience needs something a little hipper so it's time to reinvent myself. Henceforth, I'd like to be known as "P-Shizzle." I promise this won't change who I am on the inside.

Thank you for your cooperation.

P-Shizzle

Is it gas or gold?

The cost of gas is starting to read like radio stations in this city ... 102.1 and 99.9. I have yet to pump gas at over $1/litre. The closest I've come in the past week is 98.6¢. I don't see this as just a phase or blip on the radar. Gas will continue to be very expensive and yet people still buy the gas guzzlers.

We should all buy Vespas and fill up twice a month. One way to hurt these guys is to not buy the product. The other way is to make and buy cars that run on something other than gas and oil. I'm sure they're out there but the big refineries have probably locked the inventors and the blueprints in a cage somewhere in Siberia. Why would Exxon or Texaco allow these cars to run amok in the general public when it would eat at their profits?

If the governments and car manufacturers cared about the environment, they would sell today's hybrid cars with a lower price tag than gas-run cars. I think more people would buy the hybrids and we wouldn't be prisoners of the pumps.

Once again it's all about the mighty dollar.

Ottawa

Melanie and I took my parents to Ottawa for a weekend visit. It was a very quick 4-hour drive and the weather was great. Ottawa was hosting a Greek festival that weekend so the timing was perfect. The Parliament buildings are tremendous and the city is quite nice. I can't say the same for their hockey team, but that's another posting for a later date. We had a great time in the nation's capital. Stay tuned for pics on our website.

The Great One's Reputation at Stake

Wayne Gretzky is the greatest hockey player that ever played. That's my humble opinion and I'm sure it's shared my many. Each interview he gave was special. He rarely used cliches when speaking or the preferred words of today's athlete's; um or ah. When Gretzky spoke, he had things to say and they were worth listening to. He demands respect because of how he acts and what he says.

Now, I hated him for a while when he played for the Los Angeles Kings. During the '92-93 Conference final, he cut the Leafs' Doug Gilmour with a highstick and should have been assessed a 5-minute major penalty and maybe an ejection from the game. No penalty was called and Gretzky went on to play some of his best hockey in the next two games. The Kings went on to beat the Leafs in game 7 but then lost the Stanley Cup to Montreal. I resented Gretzky for not having a penalty called against him and to this day I have a big hate-on for the referee that didn't call the penalty, Kerry Fraser.

All this leads me to the point of this posting. Gretzky had no peers during his playing days. He was the greatest and he carried himself in similar fashion. He has now agreed to coach the Phoenix Coyotes, the team in which he is also part owner. I'm leery of this move because if the team does poorly under his tutelage (the Coyotes are not a great team as is), will his reputation and legend suffer? Will the fan who never saw him play only think of him as a horrible coach?

This could happen if Gretzky's Coyotes have a poor season. However, when has Wayne Gretzky never been the best at what he does? I'm hoping he succeeds. Here's to a Coyotes/Leafs Cup final with the Leafs winning ... as payback for '93.

A man can dream can't he?

Click here to see Gretzky's incredible stats.

Finally bought a digital camera

After weeks of research (and those who know me know that I love to research), Melanie and I finally purchased a digital camera. It's the Olympus C-5500. Apparently, it's a great little camera for the price. It's way cheaper than most digital cameras in the 5MP group and we got a free Lexmark printer with it...how about that!

If anyone is about to buy a digital camera, I am bursting with information about most 5MP brands and am willing to share this knowledge.

Click here for more

Like golf needs more gimmicks

I saw a commercial this morning on the golf channel that advertised a new tee. I can't remember the name of the tee but it is supposed to let you hit the ball farther and straighter. Here's how, according to the ad -- the conventional wooden tees cause resistance when the club head strikes the ball and it may also change the club head angle on impact with the ball. These new tees are made with bristles that you prop your ball on top of. You insert the bottom part of the tee in the ground (this part is made of wood) until the bristle section of the tee touches the ground. You then prop your ball on top of it. The ball will go farther, they say, because the club head isn't being affected by the agile bristles.

This all made sense to me until I realized that in the golf swing, the club hits the ball first and then the tee. How does the tee create resistance in the golf swing? The ball is on its way before the club strikes the tee. Does it really matter what the tee is made of? Save your money and don't be fooled.

Great Line

From idiodyssey.blogspot.com

Pubic Hair
It doesn't keep you all that warm -- unless you're thinking about someone else’s.

The makings of a better golf swing

At my golf class, the instructor gave us an interesting tip and it has helped my iron shots tremendously. He said that PGA tour players grip their clubs at only 25% of their total grip strength during their entire swing -- this also includes when they make contact with the ball.

I hit iron shots for 30 minutes after digesting this tip and the ball did go farther and straighter. I always thought that at contact with the ball, your grip strength should be at 100% ... wrong!

Here's why a loose grip helps your shots. If you are gripping the club too tight, your swing will be affected as your muscles tighten in your hands, arms, back, stomach and neck. Your swing won't be as smooth and contact with the ball won't be optimal. My main problem. The looser you are, while maintaining a proper swing path, the easier it is to make better golf shots.

Take a look at Ernie Els' golf swing. It looks as is if he's barely swinging. This is because his grip is at 25% and thus his body is relaxed and is able to make a proper swing motion without undo muscle tension.

Once you feel comfortable with this grip, concentrate on your swing speed. This helps in hitting the ball farther.

Like I'm the one to ever give advice in golf, but it seemed to help me. I could pass on Angus Glen instruction to you on a weekly basis ... try it and let me know if it helps!

Another phlebitis update

Background reading

After almost two weeks of having slight discomfort in my arm due to phlebitis, it seemed to get better. Than, the other day, I get pain in the arm again, only in a different area. I take a look at the arm and realize that another vein looks swollen. It looks like a big worm has been sewn into my forearm. I had enough of listening to a dentist give me medical advice about my arm and made an apppointment with my doctor.

He looks at the arm and says the original vein will take some time to heal but he's not sure why this second vein has taken ill. He prescribes me with a different kind of anti-inflammatory and says to see him again in a week. He also mentions that if I start to feel any tingling or pain in my fingers, I should get to a hospital immediately as a main blood-supplying artery may have become "phlebitisized" ... this, obviously, is a bad thing. Lovely!

I can see the headlines in the Economist ... "Markham man first person to die from wisdom teeth extraction!"

Ode to tea

I'm really enjoying my cup of English Breakfast tea this morning as I stare out my office window. I find there's something about tea that calms me. When I think of coffee, I think of fast-paced business environments and something to drink to "fire you up." When I'm sipping on tea, I think of family and friends. It relaxes me and slows down the pace. Tea soothes and mellows me and my mood usually brightens. It takes me someplace green and warm. I never have an "experience" the rare times that I do drink coffee.

I had an urge to write this down ... could be the intellectual effects of tea!

"Strange how a teapot can represent at the same time the comforts of solitude and the pleasures of company." ~Author Unknown

Boston vs Nirvana

I read an article in the Globe about how certain songs sound the same and how the song writers "borrow" from other songs.

Here's an example of how Kurt Cobain used the guitar riff (he has acknowledged it) from Boston's "More Than a Feeling," to write "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

http://www.deadparrots.net/audio/Boston_vs_Nirvana.mp3

Only a dream

Last night I had a dream that my dad and I were discussing where we were going to watch the seventh game of the Stanley Cup finals ... in which the Leafs were playing!! We were giddy with the knowledge that the Leafs were so close to winning the Cup. I could feel my heart racing and I could see the smile on my dad's face -- and then I woke up -- back in the reality of the 38, going on 39- year drought.

Just Because

Cute as a bug on a rug

1) Does anyone know the origin of that saying?
2) C'mon! My nephew is way cuter than any bug on any rug.

That's news to me

I was just on the road and for the first time realized that Leslie Street turns into Don Mills Road at John Street. Am I the last one to discover this?

Think this is hot? Wait till next year

Here's a great article from the Montreal Gazette:

Wed 20 Jul 2005
By Mike Boone

David Suzuki was right. But you didn't listen, did you? All those years during which Suzuki was warning about pollution and climate change, you were watching dumb sitcoms.

Now the humidex is higher than your bank balance, your butt sticks to the toilet seat, the nature of your thing doesn't bear thinking about and old episodes of Charles in Charge won't help. To paraphrase Hardy's admonition to Laurel, it's a fine mess we've gotten ourselves into this time.

All of Suzuki's dire predictions are coming true. And scientists who know what they're talking about - i.e., the ones George W. Bush doesn't listen to - say it will get worse.

The opening scene of this week's Six Feet Under episode showed a guy dropping dead during a bad performance of Chekhov. Then the screen flashed his date of birth: 1948.

Same age as me - only I'm going to keel over watching a saxophone player on Ste. Catherine St. unless the weather improves.

People around town this week say this is the hottest summer they can remember. Wait'll next year - and the year after that, spinning as far into the future as burning hydrocarbons and computer-projected climate change can carry us.

It's like living through a slo-mo disaster movie. Every summer gets a little hotter - OK, this year a lot hotter. And what are we supposed to do? Tell China and India to stop industrializing? Send Bruce Willis up with a giant needle and thread to repair holes in the ozone layer?

Here at The Gazette's Childish Acts of Rebellion desk, we dream of walking around town, clicking our red shoes together and making egregious gas-guzzlers like the Lincoln Navigator, Cadillac Escalade or the plus ultra of wretched excess, the execrable Hummer, turn into those cute little two-seater town cars.

It's not going to happen. But you can't blame an Ozone Avenger for fantasizing about making some rich dipspit wonder what happened to his disgusting toy.

Critters in the roof?

The icing on the cake to all my wisdom teeth woes, read previous posts to catch-up if necessary, happened last night. As I'm trying to fall asleep, while my arm throbs with phlebitis, I hear noises in the ceiling like something's crawling up there. The wife noticed some noises a few nights ago. I'm thinking what else could possibly happen to me this past week. I start to sweat as I think about what could be up there and if it could possibly fall through the ceiling and land on our bed. I leave the wife, as she likes her sleep, and I go downstairs to sleep on the couch -- I couldn't hear that scratching noise anymore coming from the ceiling -- it really freaked me out!

So, today I plan on calling some pest control places to see what kind of dealio I've got in my roof -- there's no way I'm popping my head up there to see what it could be -- that's not my bag, man.

I'll keep you updated as things transpire.

_____________
Update: July 19
Since this last posting, I have heard no more of the scampering in the ceiling. I still listen intently just before I fall asleep though.

Phlebitis and me

I have developed phlebitis in my arm. Oh, the joy! My last few posts have related to my wisdom teeth extraction and that's how I developed phlebitis. When the dental surgeon injected the anaesthetic into the vein in my arm, the needle somehow irritated it and the result is phlebitis -- it's an irritation or clot in the vein (click here to read more about phlebitis -- I just love saying that word -- phlebitis -- not glad I have phlebitis though because my arm is killing me!) . So now I'm on anti-inflammatory pills for a week -- to go along with the penicillin and the Tylenol 3's, which I've stopped taking.

Although my jaw pain is almost gone and my gums are healing nicely, the lasting discomfort is coming from my arm -- crazy!

Yes, more on my wisdom teeth

It's been two days since they've been pulled and my face shows no signs of swelling. Well done Dr. Tocchio. Aren't they beauties?!

Kickin' it with a ukelele

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More on the Wisdom Teeth

It's been 8 hours since the teeth have been yanked. This is what I look like currently. Tylenol 3s helping big time although I'm starting to feel a bit of soreness in the jaw, which is still numb. Good news is that there's no swelling yet. Bad news is that I've had pudding, oatmeal and soup so far today ... I'm a little famished. I guess I'm on the wisdom tooth diet!

Adios to my final two wisdom teeth

Yes, in three hours time, I'll be getting my two wisdom teeth yanked. I've only been told by my dentist for the last 20 years to do it! I've never been under anaesthetic before so I'll let you know how I feel in the next posting. I'm still planning to go to my second golf lesson tonight.

_____________
Update: July 19
Anaesthetic portion of the program? I needed help to get back to my buddies car...wobbling everywhere. As for my second golf lesson, I never made it out of the house that night.

Golf School --Lesson 1

I signed up for the Angus Glen Golf School and last night was my first lesson. It's a two-month course, twice a week for an hour each night. After we introduced each other and explained why we signed up, we began the first lesson which was all about putting. After the "theory,"we spent 30 minutes putting on the carpet in the Mackenzie Room. The two instructors went around to each person and gave them simple pointers on how to improve their stroke. Hopefully, it won't be raining on Wednesday, when lesson two takes place, so we can actually putt on some greens. It appears that there's a mixed bag of skill level in our co-ed group of 10.

I'm hoping these lessons improve my game. I'll let you know with further postings in this blog.

Hair today...gone tomorrow...but richer for it

Follicle policies come to Italy
The Vancouver Sun
Thu 16 Jun 2005

Italians worried about their image are taking out insurance against going bald. The policy is open to anyone aged 15 to 70, of either sex. It was developed by an insurance firm and a chain of hair care clinics, and the premium depends on how much or how little hair the insured party has. The payout can be up to $11,925 Cdn, depending on the amount of hair lost between a client first taking out insurance and the final claim. Italy pays particular attention to baldness, with widespread advertising devoted to the problem. Despite this, many of Italy's great men rejoiced in their smooth pates. Mussolini, the most famous bald Italian of all, had a reputation for being especially virile, while the hairless Pierluigi Collina is soccer's most recognizable referee.

Shavuot

I noticed that my desk calendar states that today is Shavuot. After a quick google search, I found out that Shavuot commemorates the anniversary of the giving of the Ten Commandments to Moses and the Israelites at Mount Sinai.

...and now you know.

Hockey Hall of Fame Inductees

Cam Neely and Valeri Kharlamov get inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame and players such as Dino Ciccarelli and Glenn Anderson get snubbed again. For me, Neely is a borderline selection. If he didn't have that hip problem, thanks to Ulf Samuelsson, he would have played a few more years and accumulated some more stats and I wouldn't even debate this. Ciccarelli and Anderson, players I hate, had great careers but both had some on/off-ice problems. Is this the reason they are on the outside looking in?

Summer's here

Although summer isn't officially here, this weekend sure felt like it. Hanging out on the patio with a few pints, going to a BBQ, putting the finishing touches on the garden and the 30 degree Celsius temps sure put a smile on my face. It's the anticipation of more of the same for the next 16 weeks that makes that smile wider!

Cheers

Rock n' roll?

I heard on the radio today that Paul Anka has a new CD that "takes rock hits from the 80's and adds a swing arrangement to give them a completely different and fresh new sound." They forgot the word ridiculous in their review!

Click the link below to visit a site that enables you to sample the tunes. Might be good for a gag gift.

www.vervemusicgroup.com/product.aspx?pid=11276&ob=bf&src=lb"

High School Reunion

Our high school celebrated its 25th anniversary by having a 2-day reunion; day 1 was a pub night and day 2 was a ceremony at the high school. I went with my wife to the pub night and saw some old friends. Everyone looks better 18 years later! It was great seeing them again and it brought up a lot of good memories of the carefree, do what you want, "I can take on the world" days.

Viagra may cause blindness

WASHINGTON (AP) - U.S. health officials are examining rare reports of blindness among some men using the impotence drug Viagra.

The Food and Drug Administration still is investigating, but has no evidence yet that the drug is to blame, said spokeswoman Susan Cruzan.

This type of blindness is called NAION, or non-arteritic anterior ischemic optic neuropathy. It can occur in men who are diabetic or have heart disease, the same conditions that can cause impotence and thus lead to Viagra use.

The FDA has 50 reports of the blindness. Viagra has been taken by more than 23 million men worldwide.

Thurl Ravenscroft dies at 91

Who the hec is Thurl Ravenscroft you ask? Well, his voice was known worldwide for his work in movies, TV and Disneyland. He did the voice for Tony the Tiger (they're grrrrreeeat!) as well as many voices in Disney movies and in much of the audio in Disneyland itself. Ravenscroft also sang You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch in How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Fore!

I just played my first round of golf this season. I'm thrilled to see that I still have my slice. I call it a slice but it should be called something worse, like a boomerang. If I could get enough height on my drives, I swear the ball would make a complete 360 and land at my feet.

We played at Four Seasons, which is north of Pickering, and I shot an 89. The course is very easy so the score is deceiving. The best thing about the day, aside from the witty banter that usually accompanies the round, was hole 18. It's a par 4, 245-yard hole (I wasn't kidding when I said it was an easy course) in which I drove the ball to within two and a half feet of the hole. Of course I missed the eagle putt. I know the chances of me putting for a three-foot eagle ever again are slim to none, I figured my ball had no business getting that close to the hole in the first place so I wasn't upset with the birdie.

I welcome back golf ... the game I hate to love.

Friday the 13th

On my way to work today, I walked under a ladder while a black cat crossed in front of me. It startled me and made me drop my mirror. It broke into thirteen pieces. As I bent over to pick them up, I noticed that I was stepping on a crack and I spilled some salt that was in my pocket. For some reason, all of this made me remember that I left an open umbrella in the house

Sad day for beer

A 19-year-old woman from Mississauga has been charged with careless driving following an accident this morning that dumped 2,184 cases of beer onto Highway 401, forcing its closure during the morning rush.

Police allege she swerved out of her lane and into the path of the Molson beer truck at 6:30 a.m., causing the rollover in the eastbound lanes. The woman's flipped over as a result.

Woolley credited the woman's seatbelt and the car's airbags with saving her life.

Molson spokesperson Nathalie Masse said the driver was hauling the load for delivery in Oshawa. He has a "stellar record" of more than 25 years, Masse said. The truck driver wasn't injured in the crash.

The entire load of beer was spilled, creating what one police officer described as a "sea of beer."

Does anyone else have a tear in their eye?

The Rolling Stones on tour

Two words ... enough already!

Pope John Paul's Escort for sale

The only car the late Pope John Paul was believed to have ever owned is up for auction, and the seller expects it to fetch $1.5 million to $5 million US. The light blue 1975 Ford Escort GL was originally bought at auction in 1996 for $102,000 by Illinois businessman Jim Rich, who is now selling it.

Rich said he remembers the day in 1998 when he took possession of the car. In the company of a translator, Rich handed Pope John Paul a cheque, and the Pope handed Rich the car keys. Not much was said between the two, and Rich admits he was nervous.

"I handed him a cheque, and he handed me his keys, and I said, 'Can I take a picture of you with the keys?' and he laughed."

The Pope used the money he got for the car to fund the expansion of the Polish Pilgrim Home in Rome and for scholarships and expanding the Catholic University in Lublin, Poland.

Rich said the car comes with about 100,000 papal kilometres, plus a couple more he put on it. He's debating whether to include the rosary beads that came with the car.

Best of You

This is the new song from the latest Foo Fighters CD. I love the Foo Fighters but this song does nothing for me. It might be one of those songs you need to listen to a few times before you appreciate it. Anyone else have a comment?

City in the sky

From www.canoe.ca

The world's largest passenger plane, the Airbus A380, completed a maiden flight Wednesday in France.

The huge, double-decked plane landed successfully after a flight of nearly four hours. About 30,000 spectators watched the white plane with blue tail take off and touch down.

The plane carried a crew of six and 20,000 kilograms of on-board test instruments. It can carry as many as 840 passengers on commercial flights, although the usual configuration is for 555.

All crew members took no chances and donned parachutes for the first flight. A handrail inside the test plane leads from the cockpit to an escape door that could have been jettisoned had the pilots lost control.

The flight capped 11 years of preparation and the equivalent of $13 billion US in spending. The A380, with a catalogue price of $282 million US, weighed 421 tonnes on takeoff, including its bulky test equipment, fittings and fuel, Airbus said. That is about 75 per cent of its maximum authorized takeoff weight for commercial flights.

Maple Leaf Square

From Rogers Yahoo News

Maple Leaf Square, a major hotel, shopping and entertainment development, will be built adjacent to the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Toronto Raptors at a cost of $350 million.

The joint venture between sports team owner Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment, real estate firm Cadillac Fairview Corp. Ltd. and developer Lanterra Developments, is scheduled for completion in 2009.

It will include "a fine dining and high-tech sports-themed restaurant," a sports-and entertainment-themed boutique hotel, two condominium towers, a music club, office space, a high-definition broadcast studio and a 170,000-square-foot retail space anchored by a Leafs, Raptors and Toronto Marlies store.

"Maple Leaf Square will be a vibrant and unique landmark that has a tasteful sports and entertainment theme reflective of the Leafs, Raptors and Air Canada Centre," Maple Leaf CEO Richard Peddie said in a release.

"Our development creates a larger significant stage that will attract major sports and world events to Toronto and at the same time support tourism and economic growth."

The development is expected to create more than 1,700 construction jobs and about 500 full and part-time positions when complete.

How Nike generates profits

When I heard the grumblings of Nike sweatshops in Asia a few years ago, I stopped buying anything from them. Now the proof is out. Nike has admitted to a series of abuses at its Asian factories, including forced overtime and limited access to water. Nike has published an 108-page report which acknowledges some allegations long hurled at it by human rights groups. Its report admits widespread problems in Asian factories and has been praised as "an important step forward" by observers.

Nike founder and chairman Philip Knight said: "We've been fairly quiet for the past three years in corporate responsibility... So we're using this report to play a little catch-up and draw a more complete picture." Gee, thanks Phil.

The Oregon-based firm lists 124 factories in China, 73 in Thailand, 35 in South Korea, 34 in Vietnam and others in Asia, the continent home to most accusations of sweatshop operations.

The survey found that in more than half of Nike's factories, employees worked more than 60 hours a week, in up to a quarter staff refusing to do overtime were punished. And wages were below the legal minimum in up to 25% of factories.

I wonder if Nike-sponsored Tiger Woods will say anything since he is half Asian. Probably not...he can't see anything over his walls of money.

Ode to a head cold

Oh lovely congestion, mucousy and green,
Filling my nose for a week, like a stream.
Nose and tissue, constantly as one,
Skin rubbed raw, can you imagine the fun?
Ringing in plugged ears, a pleasant surprise,
Congestion wont leave me, morning, noon or nigh.
A kaleidoscope of colours from the pain in my head,
Headaches attack whilst I lie in my bed.
Seven days of hell, taking pills in vain,
When, oh when, will my sinuses drain.
Head cold, you are a bane on my existence!

Canada the laughingstock!

If you're in the Liberal party, the Pope's death couldn't have come at a better time. It's distracted the Canadian people, for the time being, from the deceit of the Liberal government. I admit, I haven't followed much of what's happening with the Gomery Commission only because the more I'd learn, the more I'd want to vomit.

I am surprised that more people aren't in an uproar over this! This is our government being caught with their pants down; our government being corrupt in ways no other in Canadian history has been. The world is seeing this and our image is being tarnished...yet again.

I understand all governments lie and cheat their way to votes and support but to have it happen in your own backyard makes it all the more painful to learn about.

The proud feeling one had of being Canadian...of being loved around the world...of other countries wanting to be like us...is a distant memory. In the past few years, it seems like everything is crumbling around this country and we're falling apart at the seams. We don't even have hockey to make us feel better.

What is happening to us?

Jays Home Opener

The wife and I wanted to go to the Jays home opener on Friday but it's sold out. Too bad because I really wanted to see Slash play the anthems. Isn't it odd that the first game of the season attracts 50,000 fans but the remaining 80 dates have 20,000 in attendence? That's the fickle Toronto sports fans.

Spa Day

Yesterday, my lovely wife treated me to "Spa Day." This included a bath, massage and complete relaxation for about an hour and a half. She even made me a delicious dinner. Thanks girl, it was perfect!

It's called self-respect ... look into it!

Just read a piece on the internet about a woman from Tennessee who put her name up for bid on eBay and got an offer. Terri Iligan, 33, sold her name to Internet site Golden Palace Casino (henceforth known as Satan), and she will officially be named goldenpalace.com once the legal work is complete. The casino paid $15,199 for the name.

Iligan said she got the idea when she found out how much it would cost to send one of her children to a golf school Tiger Woods attended. I think this needs repeating...golf school!

"To my kids and to my husband, I will always be Terri. My husband is real supportive," she told WATE-TV in Knoxville. "He thinks it's funny." Hell in a handbasket folks.

Others are renting sections of their bodies to Satan (see above) to be human billboards. Their foreheads and pregnant bellies will be marked with the company's name for the world to see.

So, how much is your soul worth?

Scion's t2B

Check out the latest vehicle from Scion by clicking on these two links:

http://autonet.ca/Autoshows/story.cfm?story=/Autoshows/New_York/2005/03/29/975861.html

http://www.scion.com/

Baby got back, just like my Big Mac

From the Advertising Age website:

McDonald’s has hired entertainment marketing firm Maven Strategies to help the fast-food giant encourage hip-hop artists to integrate the Big Mac sandwich into their upcoming songs. The lyrics should emphasize the sandwich’s name alone, and not necessarily McDonald’s or the Golden Arches.

McDonald’s receives final approval of the lyrics, but it will ultimately allow artists to decide how the sandwich is integrated into the songs.

Maven receives a consulting fee for its services. Music acts, however, will not receive payment upfront. Instead, they will earn anywhere from $1 to $5 each time their song is played on the radio.

If I had posted this on April 1st most of you probably wouldn't have believed it but it's true!

She came through in the clutch

On my drive in to work this morning I ended up behind a car at a stop light which had a sign taped to its trunk. Under the drawing of a happy face, the sign read "New Driver ... Learning Manual."

Well, when the light turned green it was quite obvious as it took her about 5 seconds to actually start moving. I followed for a few minutes, curious to see how the new driver would tackle the road. The only thing that gave her away was the 40 km/h pace she was setting on the 70 km/h posted road. But, because of her sign, she didn't give me a coronary like most "turtles" would on the road.

Thanks for the warning and good luck with your driving!

Sport energy drinks bad for teeth

From Sun Media:

Sport energy drinks may give your body a boost but they can wreak havoc on your teeth -- even more so than conventional soft drinks like Coke or Pepsi, a study says. This study found the enamel damage caused by non-cola and sports beverages was three to 11 times greater than cola-based drinks, with energy drinks and bottled lemonades causing the most harm to dental enamel.

Non-cola and canned ice teas were actually more harmful to dental enamel than cola.

"Enamel erosion doesn't happen overnight. When you eat or drink anything, it takes 30 minutes for saliva to recover to its natural protective range," said lead author Dr. J. Anthony von Fraunhofer, professor of biomaterials science at the University of Maryland Dental School.

Most cola-based drinks may contain one or more acids. However sports beverages contain other addictive and organic acids that can advance dental erosion, according to the study. These organic acids are potentially very erosive to dental enamel because of their ability to break down calcium, which is needed to strengthen teeth and prevent gum disease.

"When drinking a soft drink people tend to sip it continuously instead of all at once. This does not allow the mouth to recover and the acid stays there because you keep refreshing it when you take another sip," van Fraunhofer said. "If you're going to drink this stuff, don't sip it. Drink it down quickly and try to rinse with water afterwards.

"It's not a good idea to brush your teeth because the toothpaste is too abrasive."

The study, published in General Dentistry, exposed enamel from cavity-free teeth to a variety of popular sports beverages, including energy drinks, fitness water and sports drinks, as well as non-cola beverages, such as lemonade and ice tea for a period of 14 days. The exposure was comparable to approximately 13 years of normal consumption.

The drinks which cause the most damage to the enamel are: KMX energy drink, Snapple lemonade, Red Bull, Gatorade lemon-lime, Powerade Arctic Shatter, Arizona Ice Tea, Fanta Orange, then Pepsi and Coke.

Another tsunami?

A massive earthquake killed dozens of people and destroyed hundreds of homes in the main town on Indonesia's Nias island Monday evening, a local government official told Metro TV. The massive 8.2 magnitude quake struck off the coast of Sumatra Monday close to where a quake triggered a tsunami that left nearly 300,000 people dead or missing across Asia, residents and officials said.

National Post gives bad delivery

Complaint: We get the National Post delivered at work and whenever it rains or snows outside, our newspaper gets wet. The delivery moron...er, person, does bag the paper but never seals it. Today, after the snowfall last night, the paper was in a bag but both ends were open and both ends of the paper were wet. After two complaints you'd think this clown would give a little effort. It's almost as if he/she is mocking us! The subscription would have been cancelled a long time ago except our boss loves The Post.

I called to complain again, for the last time, and they promised to double-bag and seal both ends. We'd also get a week's credit and a dry paper today. Would they get the hint that we're miffed if we send them wet cheques when paying? I wonder if accounting would do that for me?

Dave Allen passes away

I'm not sure how many of you remember this Irish comedian but he had a television show, in the early 80s, called Dave Allen At Large. He would tell jokes and hilarious stories while sitting down in a chair on stage and having a smoke and drink.

To you, Dave Allen, I use your favourite sign-off ... "Goodnight, good luck, and may your God go with you."

Here are some of his most famous quotes:

• I still think of myself as I was 25 years ago. Then I look in a mirror and see an old bastard and realise it's me.
• I don't go out of my way to be outrageous, I just go out of my way to look at things.
• I'm an Atheist...thank God.
• I've stopped smoking...I think the cost was a lot of it, and not being able to breathe. I first gave up smoking when I was eight.
• A good storyteller never lets the facts get in the way.
• We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work - and then we retire. And what do they give us? A clock.

Chucking from 900 feet!

In the seats at right, Stratosphere spokesman Mike Gilmartin (L) and a reporter take a spin on "Insanity," a new thrill ride, over 900-feet above the Las Vegas Strip at the Stratosphere Tower in Las Vegas, Nevada, March 10, 2005.

Would you go on this ride?

Help is a four-letter word

What pressures must you endure in your life before you snap and throw your daughter off a bridge? I don't know what demon told that guy to toss his 5-year old daughter off the overpass and onto the 401 but couldn't anyone get this man some help before this happened. There must have been some signs! If you feel like crap, then jump yourself...no need to hurt anyone else in your family; especially an innocent kid.

Asking for help has become synonymous with weakness. Everyone forgets how challenging life can be. Some of us have better coping mechanisms and can get through some of the tough times. Others need to or should rely on people to help them through certain situations. These people should not be made to feel sub-par. We need to change our ways and the government should give more money to "help" agencies so incidents like this happen less frequently.

Call me Frankenstein

I've been walking funny the past two days (or should I say funnier). I played hockey last Sunday night instead of watching the apparently hum-drum Academy Awards. Due to my recent period of sloth in which the only exercise I get is shoveling the driveway, my body is a little sore from the hour and a half skate. The aches and pains that are screaming from my "muscles" I can handle. The bleeding blisters that formed just below my ankles on both feet is what makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and bawl like a baby. I would like to thank my new skates for this pleasure. I feel like James Caan in the movie Misery after Kathy Bates puts the sledgehammer beating to his feet. The conclusion I have come to is that after only wearing them twice, they must be returned, traded-in, sold or burned. Play It Again Sports, here I come!

Update (Mar 3):
I went to National Sports, where I bought my skates, and they wouldn't take them back because I didn't have the receipt...not even a store credit because "they're skates"...whatever that means. I threw the receipt away last month after keeping it for a year. Go figure, one of the few times in my life when I "live on the edge" by throwing out a receipt and it bites me in the butt! I then took my burden (skates) to Play It Again Sports where the dude who worked there proceeded to offer me, with a straight face, and I don't know how they get these numbers, 40% of $150 in store credit. Needless to say, I still have the Mission skates, retail value $230. They did, however, have a pro-shop on premises which will fix the cracked blade on one of my old skates for $30. So, the evening wasn't a total waste of time.

If anyone is interested in Mission skates, size 9.5, write a comment. $100 or best offer!

Thanks but no thanks

The latest budget was announced yesterday and the talk about personal tax cuts was indeed true. According to John Derringer of Q107 (not that I get my news from him but he's the first person I heard discuss it today) we will each get a whopping $16 per year in savings. Thanks Ralph and Paul for the two free car washes.

Okay, I know it's better than getting stabbed in the eye with a spoon but don't hype the fact that there will be tax cuts and then give me $16!

Can someone correct me if this wrong? I hope it is.

Great Lyrics...Great Music

Not only is Rush one of the greatest bands musically, their lyrics are just as powerful. I was listening to Limelight the other day and realized, for the hundredth time, how under-rated Neal Peart is as a lyricist. No one uses words like this anymore. The song is about, you guessed it, being in the limelight. Here are the lyrics:

Living on a lighted stage, Approaches the unreal
For those who think and feel, In touch with some reality beyond the gilded cage.
Cast in this unlikely role, Ill-equipped to act
With insufficient tact, One must put up barriers to keep oneself intact

Living in the limelight the universal dream, For those who wish to seem
Those who wish to be, Must put aside the alienation
Get on with the fascination, The real relation, The underlying theme

Living in a fisheye lens, Caught in the camera eye
I have no heart to lie, I can’t pretend a stranger is a long-awaited friend
All the world’s indeed a stage, And we are merely players
Performers and portrayers, Each another’s audience outside the gilded cage

Check out their cool website for more lyrics and cool photos.

Today's Birthdays

Happy Birthday to:

Jerry O'Connell ~ Denise Richards ~ Michael Jordan ~ Rene Russo ~ Paris Hilton ~ Billy Joe of Green Day ~ me!

Hockey Blight In Canada

I will not become part of the blogging mass and create a post about the cancellation of the hockey season which was just announced. Nor will I write anything about how the selfish egomaniacs who run the sport are ruining it...or about how long this lockout may last...nor will I write about the eternal bad taste this will leave in the mouths of us, the fans...especially in the US.

Nope, I refuse to comment.

Canadian flag turns 40 today!

Our flag is celebrating its 40th birthday today (doesn't look a day over 35). Here are some interesting facts I bet you didn't know about the flag:

• the original colours were to be mauve and azure
• instead of the maple leaf in the centre, there used to be a beaver holding a hockey stick
• the original flag was circular in shape
• a design by Lester Pearson's tailor was rejected at the last minute
• the flag used to be scratch 'n sniff with the maple leaf emitting a maple syrup scent
• those who display a flag on their property live between 3-7 months longer than those who don't
• none of this is true but who cares

Share the Love

Although this day is the spawn of crass commercialism, I still want to wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day.

Road rage! Up close and personal.

I had just finished parking my car at work and was picking up the newspaper outside the front door of the office building, when a car and SUV came screaching into the parking lot. The car parked into a spot and just as the SUV pulled in behind it, a guy barrels out and starts screaming at the guy in the parked car. He must have been tough because he wasn't wearing a jacket and his sweater sleeves were rolled-up to his elbows. He bellowed the usual macho bravado, "What's your problem, asshole!" What's your problem, dickhead!" The guy kept yelling the same crap at the guy (I'm assuming these are the only words he knows), who intelligently, remained in his car. This kept on going as I walked into the office building. I strode quickly to my office, which has a window overlooking the parking lot, to see if anyone had been killed or the tough guy had lost his voice from his shrieking...but it was over...the "bully" had left and the guy in the car was walking towards the building.

Now, I don't know what happened on the road; I'm assuming the guy in the car cut-off the SUV. Whatever the case, this hot-head in the SUV is asking for it. I don't care how tough you think you are (this guy's manhood must be really small from the way he was yelling and the size of his SUV), or how many guys you have intimidated by your Neanderthal gruntings, one day the skinny, 90-pound weakling your freaking on is going to pull out a knife and stab you in your fat throat, or, pull out a gun and put a cap in your ass. How tough are you then?

Again, the SUV-guy may have been wronged here, (and he'll probably be dead in 15 years from a stress-induced massive heart-attack, while all the other guy has to do is change his underwear) but get a grip on reality dude. Unclench and relax!

Bad uses of good technology

I just read an article in Fortune magazine on the important new technologies and products of 2004 ... both good and bad. The bad went to Live-shot.com. The only reason I'm putting their website in this post is to see how technology is used for evil.

This place has a loaded hunting rifle mounted on a motorized platform which is connected to a videocamera that is patched into the Internet. They have the rifle in front of a feeding station for exotic animals on a ranch in Texas. (In the words of the author, "Where else?") So, your trigger finger is on the mouse of the Internet-connected computer while you monitor the feeding station through your web browser. When an animal has unfortunately wandered into the "killing zone," aim the rifle by moving your mouse and fire by clicking. Hunting assistants at the ranch will then butcher the animal and send its mounted head to you.

By you, I mean coward.

Have sticks and stones broken your bones?

"What's in a name. That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." ~William Shakespeare

Is your name as sweet as a rose or is it full of thorns? Do you wish it was different; is it lacking flare? I just came across a pretty cool name of an American astronomer (whose systematic observations of the extraordinary radial velocities of spiral galaxies provided the first evidence supporting the expanding-universe theory) — Vesto Slipher. Now that name has panache! How about the NBA's Stromile Swift. I don't know the man but his name makes him seem like a cool dude. Then there's the actor Rip Torn. His real first name is Elmore but doesn't that sound better than Bob Smith? Of course, my apologies to all Bob Smith's out there ... I'm sure most of you are fabulous people. Let's not forget the name George Costanza wanted to give his child – Seven. Very original.

If you've got some cool names you'd like to share, write me a comment. C'mon, don't be shy. I promise I won't call you a name!

Need I say more?

I never finish anything I start

He might this time! From a poll on canoe.ca:

Should a suicidal man who authorities say caused the deadly chain-reaction train derailment in California face the death penalty?

Be careful what you wish for.

Pick a name already!

I originally created this blog for my wife and I to write in. Well, since its inception in April, she has produced one post...and she's a communication specialist so she 'soposably writes good! I mentioned to her that she was not pulling her weight in this area and that since all the postings were mine, except her one lonely insight about a photography blog she read, perhaps she should create her own blog and use it. No offense was taken, thankfully, and we created a blog just for her ... Toasty Tea! Or maybe, she just said I want my own blog? I can't remember now ... po-tay-to, po-tah-to ... it all worked out in the wash.

The residual of having a blog each is that I can now use cuss words and drug references and it won't be a poor reflection on her! No, no, no ... I'm kidding ... kinda. The real by-product is that I have to re-name my blog because "From Us To You" doesn't really work anymore. I put my "brain" to work and tried to come up with a name that brands me (not literally, not like in Angels & Demons ... ouch ... I digress), one that when people read they think this suits that joker perfectly!

After two failed attempts (WYSIWYG and Burger & Fries ... yawn), I have decided to use this name, One large cold pint. Mmmmm! Not much in life is better than one large, cold pint. I can stop fretting and concentrate on writing these poignant pieces which, in my humble opinion, make the world go 'round.

Update
I just noticed how many of these "..." I used in this post. That's gotta be close to some sort of "..." usage record, no?

Update to Update
If I have this much trouble naming a blog, not taking away anything from the importance of a blog, how the hec am I going to make a decision when it comes to, if we're lucky enough, naming a child? Breathe man! No bridge in sight, nothing to cross yet.

What happened to evolution?

If my buddy Chuck Darwin was correct, weren't we were supposed to develop into more intelligent creatures over time?

A judge just awarded a couple $3 million in damages after they were attacked by tigers at African Lion Safari in 1996. The couple say they had their windows cracked open at first but had them completely up after an ostrich poked its beak into the vehicle. Sure. How did the tigers get at them? The jugde, and I use the word loosely, said that a tiger must have nudged the car, causing the guys arm, or some part of his body, to come into contact with the window switches inadvertently. Ummm, okay. Now, I've never been attacked by a tiger but has anyone, ever, accidently been nudged so that they accidentally opened their window? They must be sharing their windfall with this court jester?

He is getting $1.7 million in compensation. Apparently he is disfigured and can't work anymore. She is getting more than $800,000 in damages due to injury and for money she would have made as a stripper. She was just starting out in the field. Here's the judge again ... "She had all the necessary physical attributes to do this job — she was young, pretty, large-breasted, not overweight and had long hair." What the hell?!?!

My conclusion...it pays to be dumb. Having your windows opened while driving through the tiger "exhibit"; spilling hot coffee on your lap and getting paid handsomely for it; suing fast food establishments for making you fat; suing tobacco companies for making you ill.

I have done some dumb things in my life, as I'm sure we all have, (and if you haven't then you must be my parents) but nothing so stupid that I would get paid for it!

I'll have a "B to the E" please!

Beermaker Anheuser-Busch is launching a new "brew" to go head-to-head with classic mixed drinks – traditional suds spiked with caffeine, fruit flavoring, herbal guarana and ginseng.

The world's largest brewer's nationwide rollout this week of B-to-the-E -– the "B" standing for beer, the "E" for something "extra" and shown as an exponent of B.

It's slightly sweet but tart and comes in the aromas of blackberry, raspberry and cherry. Each can of B-to-the-E packs 17 grams of carbohydrates, along with 4.5 percent alcohol by volume, 54 milligrams of caffeine and 145 calories.

What the hec...I'll give it a try!

Happy Birthday Eddie!

Happy Birthday to Eddie Van Halen who turns 50 today. Cheers dude!

What is your favourite Van Halen tune? Add your song, and view what others think, on my discussion board. Click here to get there.

Famous Players drops ticket prices

I was just informed that Famous Players cinemas, effective this Friday, will be dropping their ticket prices by $4 in the GTA. Adults and students will now pay $9.95 to see a flick. The cheaper Tuesday prices will no longer exist. No word yet on whether they will drop the price of a $57 bottled water!

Will you see more movies now that the tickets are cheaper?

Global warming...is anyone listening?

The announcement that global warming is approaching the point of no return doesn't seem to faze anyone. I just participated in a poll on www.canoe.ca that asked "How seriously do you take this warning?" The results are as follows:

Very seriously - 53.2%
Somewhat seriously - 18.8%
Not at all - 28.0%.
The percentages are based on the 1015 responses so far.

I can't believe that just over half of us think that this is a serious situation! Do the others think that at any moment scientists will have a big conference and tell the world, "Gotcha! We're only kidding! We can't believe you fell for it! Please...continue to pollute and destroy your children's world without thinking about the consequences."

Hail the almighty dollar!!

Solar Flare

Scientists said the largest emission of radiation by the sun in 15 years could disrupt mobile telephone communications as well as television and radio reception. The effects of the solar flares were seen at different points on earth, including brilliant auroras over parts of Britain on Friday night.

"Flares can affect short-wave communications and satellites in the earth's orbit which could mean problems for phones, television and radio signals," said Peter Bond, spokesman for the Royal Astronomical Society.

Can you comprehend how much heat and energy this flare produced to affect communications on Earth nearly 150 million kilometers away?

Late-night king passes on

Johnny Carson, the host of The Tonight Show for 30 years, has died of emphysema. His comedy, style and personality will never be replaced on television. I believe David Letterman says it best...

"It's a sad day for his family and his country." All of us who came after are pretenders. We will not see the likes of him again . . . He was the best, a star and a gentleman."

Dude...get a job!

National Post – Jan 20, 2005
NAIROBI - The world's oldest grade-school student, an octogenarian great-grandfather, is facing expulsion from an elementary school in Kenya after parents complained he was a disruptive influence in the classroom. Penniless and illiterate, Kimani Maruge, who is aged about 84, turned up last year at the Kapkenduiywo Primary School near Eldoret, Western Kenya, and demanded to be enrolled in first grade.

Mr. Maruge said he had not been able to attend school as a boy because he had to look after the cattle, and could do so only after the government abolished elementary school fees in 2003.
Cutting off the bottoms of his only pants and splurging on a pair of grey, knee-length socks to meet the dress code, Mr. Maruge lined up with more than 100 six-year-olds to be registered.

When he began his second year this month, some parents protested. Mr. Maruge was a "smart Alec," prone to histrionics, one said. "Our children don't concentrate," the parent said. "They are too busy wondering what he is going to do next. He tries to dominate the class."

"If I am expelled, I will surely die," Mr. Maruge said. He is also planning to sue the British government for alleged abuse during the 1950s Mau Mau rebellion. "I am learning how to add and subtract so I can count my money," he said.

I guess you're never too old to learn. Or to be the class clown.

Thank God for C-sections!

Francisca Ramos dos Santos, 38, gave birth to this whopper of a baby named Ademilton on Tuesday in Brazil. He weighed 16.7 pounds! (Does one exclamation point do that sentence justice?)

"Obviously the baby was born by Caesarean section," hospital director Rita Leal said. "Both mother and baby are doing just fine."

Caesarean section...no really? A Blue whale would wince birthing this tyke. She's going to need a third breast to feed this man-baby.



Update
The mother is diabetic, a condition which can commonly cause women to give birth to larger babies.

Ladies and gentlemen...stop your engines!

Here's part of an article on why it's unnecessary to idle your vehicle's engine. It's a bit of a read but worth it. This is my new motto: "Save the planet, damn it!"

Idling away doesn't pay
By: David L. Flewelling, CA
President, Canadian Automobile Association

Canadians unnecessarily idle their vehicles an average of five to 10 minutes per day. The result: increased greenhouse gas emissions, urban smog, acid rain, and wasted fuel.

Nobody that I know likes to waste money. Yet many of us abandon our common-sense approach when it comes to idling our vehicles; we continue to run our automobile engines even when we are stopped for minutes at a time at a store, school, car wash and the like. Research shows that idling a vehicle for 10 minutes a day uses an average of 100 litres of gasoline a year. At 70 cents a litre, you would save $70 per year just by turning off your engine when you stop your car for more than 10 seconds.

Need another reason beyond saving money? We read or hear about vehicle exhaust emissions, greenhouse gases and climate change on a daily or weekly basis. Believe it or not, by not idling your car for just five minutes a day, you could help prevent more than 4,500 tonnes of carbon dioxide (C02) from entering the atmosphere, save 1.9 million litres of fuel and more than $1.3 million in fuel costs every day, according to Natural Resources Canada.

How about the damage to your car's engine? Despite what you may have heard, idling is not the proper way in which to warm up your vehicle's engine, even in the winter. In fact, you do not need to idle your vehicle for more than 30 seconds before driving away, even on the coldest of days.Excessive idling can actually harm your engine. Because an idling engine is not operating at its peak temperature, fuel combustion is incomplete. As a result, fuel residues can condense on cylinder walls, where they can contaminate oil and damage engine components. Idling can also generate water condensation in your vehicle's exhaust. This can lead to corrosion and can reduce the life of your exhaust system.

Some believe that turning off and restarting your vehicle harms your engine. In reality, frequent restarting barely affects your engine's components. If you idle your vehicle for more than 10 seconds, you are using more fuel than if you restarted your engine.

Philadelphia Freedom

Philadelphia is putting the finishing touches on a plan to offer a mix of free and low-cost wireless Internet access by the summer of 2006 that will help bridge the "digital divide" that separates rich from poor. Chief Information Officer Dianah Neff provided the outlines of what would be the nation's largest publicly available Wi-Fi hotspot, covering all of the city's 217 square kilometres.

The service will be offered for free in public parks and at a steeply discounted rate to low-income residents. Businesses and other residents will pay more for the service but still get broadband speeds at dial-up rates.

Let's hope the citizens use this opportunity to better educate themselves and not spend their time surfing for porn.

Clip Smith passes away

I just heard on Q107 that Clip Smith was killed in a car accident recently. The "Clipper" was the sports anchor for WKBW-channel 7 newscasts in the 80s. Rest in peace Clip.

2006 Jetta

Volkswagen of Canada has announced pricing for its latest Jetta sedan, which was introduced to Canadian audiences at the 2005 Montreal Auto Show. The Jetta is the biggest-selling German engineered model in Canada.

Read more...

Wipers up or down?

Is it best to keep your wipers up off the windshield during snowfall/freezing rain so the wipers don't ice-up on you...or...it doesn't matter what you do as ice will form on them regardless? I see cars in parking lots with the wipers up and wonder if these people know something I don't.

Beatallica

This is hilarious! This "band" is a hybrid of The Beatles and Metallica. Their website, www.beatallica.com has tunes you can listen to. I have also placed their link under my "Just for Kicks" area, on the right side of this page, in case you want to visit them again. Enjoy!

97.7 HTZ fm

This is the radio station I listen to most of the time, especially at work over the web.

http://www.htzfm.com

The weird thing is that all the women DJs sound like men...they have really deep voices. Not that there's anything wrong with that; I find them funny, especially Kristy Knight, and they play great tunes. But to have all of them sound like Barry White is a bit odd, no?

Prince Harry sorry for Nazi gaffe

The 20-year-old grandson of Queen Elizabeth has apologized for wearing a swastika armband and an army shirt with Nazi regalia at a costume party on Saturday.

Wouldn't you love to know what was going through his "brain" as he was getting dressed? "This will be hilarious...bloody hell! Grandma will love it."

Is this guy for real? Does he crave so much attention that he'd stoop to levels this low to get it? What if someone wore an armband that had an image of Diana dead in the car? Sorry Harry, wasn't thinking, I apologize, no hard feelings?

Golf anyone?

Now this is what I call Winter! The temperature is supposed to soar to 12 degrees Celsius today. I suggest you take a walk during your lunch to feel the warmth on your face. Yes, I used the word warmth when talking about the weather in January. Halleluiah! You won't be able to wear your shorts for too long as the temps will dip back to -12 for the weekend. Enjoy your day!

Winter Sucks...Reason #5875

Freezing rain! As I've mentioned before in a previous posting, winter is as useful to me as jock itch! Icy roads made commuting to work this morning quite treacherous. You not only have to worry about getting your buns to work safely, you also hope your friends and family are okay.

In Canada, we have the "privilege" of experiencing four seasons. I'm pretty sure I could survive with three. If you know of any reasons why winter is good, I'd sure like to hear them.

Russell Peters

A bunch of us went to Yuk Yuks on Saturday night to see Russell Peters perform. This lad is funny. His humour is based on mocking all the cultures in and around Toronto. He gets us to laugh at each culture's stereotypes. If you get a chance to see him, I highly recommend it. He's on the tube all the time, usually on The Comedy Network.

Ridiculous Statement

"This is equivalent to stealing a Monet painting from the Louvre."

Sports marketing expert Brian Ehrenworth on the disappearance of Sidney Crosby's game-worn, red jersey.

My lonely guitar

Those of you who know me are aware that I'm a drummer. My lovely wife gave me an acoustic guitar for my birthday a few years ago and I've been trying to learn how to play ever since. I've been in a bit of a blog rut lately in that I have no idea what to write. I had every intention of writing something meaningful when I looked over and saw the guitar...I swear it was looking at me. I could hear it say, "Dude, come over and play me. Just for a few minutes. C'mon!"

I'm out of here.

Tsunami in Asia

I was thinking of writing something about the devastation this natural disaster has caused but I'm sure you've heard everything already. I think I'll leave it be.

Baby on Board

What is with this sign in people's cars? What's the point? Are people assuming that if they stick this sign to the back windshield of their vehicle, they'll be safe and sound?

Here I am, driving around the streets of Toronto, obeying all the rules of the road. But wait, I'm going to throw caution to the wind, lose my mind for a few minutes, drive recklessly and crash into that black Honda! Ha-ha-ha! Hold on, I can't, it has a "Baby on Board" sign on the back windshield. I better drive extra-careful around this vehicle. These people are much more important than those teenagers I just passed.

People of Earth...remove these signs from your car. They are stupid!

I've wanted to get this off my chest for a long time now. I feel much better. Thanks for listening.