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www.guitarshredshow.com

Kong is King!

A bunch of us saw King Kong last night and I think it was an awesome movie. The computer generated Kong was a marvel to watch. I had to keep reminding myself that it wasn't a real ape! The scenes of old New York were amazing and the camera angles used were stunning -- especially the Empire Sate building climax. The action scenes were "edge of your seat" exciting and very imaginative. Some friends made some comments about the acting but I think Peter Jackson was trying to direct the movie with the same style as the movies of that time period, the 30's, I believe. It worked for me.

I give it two thumbs up -- and an opposable thumb!

Breakfast Sweet Tooth

This morning, our office building is hosting a "Holiday Breakfast." The owners are supplying "breakfast" for the tenants between 8 and 10 am. A few of us went down to the lobby to get a few things and I quickly realized why North Americans are obese. Here's most of what was displayed for us: tarts, rice krispies squares, carrot cake with an inch of icing, danishes, a wide variety of pastries, and cookies. As I strolled down the table, I had to remind myself I was not at a wedding enjoying the dessert table. This was breakfast! At the far end of the table were apples and bananas but it looked like only a few had been taken. They had no chance among the sweets.

Now, I'm not trying to be an ass and complain about the nice gesture of free breakfast, but perhaps a few more healthier choices could be made available for us before we go back to our cubicles/offices and sit on our butts all day.

What did I have, you ask? I had breakfast at home -- a whole wheat bagel with light cream cheese, if you need to know -- but I lost my mind for a few seconds and snatched a piece of carrot cake, with said inch of icing, and a tiny lemon tart. I felt guilty after eating the cake so I threw the tart in the garbage. I'm not proud of myself for eating the cake (delicious, by the way) but it all comes down to the choices we make. I needed to make a better choice (just say no!) and they needed to offer healthier ones.

I know it's only one little breakfast but I think it's a microcosm of how we eat today.

God-awful Calgary Flames video

I barely made it through watching this music video featuring players from the Calgary Flames. I'm assuming it was made to flaunt their Stanley Cup win in 1986. Holy crap is it embarrasing! All the players look like they're 12 years old! The dude with the mustache, other than Lanny, is Mike Bullard -- remember him? Enjoy the video!

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6053863688509045791&q=calgary

Chuck Norris

I received an e-mail about how great Chuck Norris is -- thought it was funny -- and am now sharing it with you.

• Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
• When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
• Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
• Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
• Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
• Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
• There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
• Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
• Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Christmas Tidbits

Here are some interesting Christmas tidbits you can use at your next holiday gathering. Sure, I made them up, but that can be our little secret (wink).

• In 1885, Santa and Frosty the Snowman begin a bitter feud. Frosty reports, "He stole my hat and pipe!"
• Santa's radio show is pulled off the air in 1920 when he uses the phrase "Santa's Sack" indiscriminately.
• The word Santa is Dutch for "fat boy."
• Santa is lactose intolerant. That explains why the milk left for him is never touched.
• Santa's elves made cameo appearances in the movie The Wizard of Oz.
• Blitzen has a lifetime batting average of .375 in the Reindeer Baseball League (RBL).
• Santa's low sperm count is the reason they're childless.
• Mrs. Clause is a go-go dancer in the off-season. Stays in shape by doing laps around Santa's gut.
• Santa's sleigh was recently rebuilt by five Boeing engineers ... 2 of them naughty, 3 of them nice.
• Rudolph was charged with F.U.I. (Flying Under the Influence) in 1975. Charges were dropped when police realized his nose stays red all the time.
• Santa's first job was a chimney sweep.
• Mrs. Claus has turned down over 50 offers from Playboy and Penthouse to pose nude in their magazines.
• Santa's first sleigh was destroyed by termites.
• In 1973, Santa finished 3rd at the Sumo Wrestling Championships in Japan.
• Comet lost his salary arbitration hearing last year. He wanted to be the highest paid reindeer.
• Mrs. Claus' latest steamy novel unravels the mystery as to why it's called "The North Pole."